leftism: a mental health problem
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/con…
Dear Miss Manners:
We are a very noticeable family, as our children are black and my husband and I are white. As such, we draw an inordinate amount of attention… “Where’d you get them?” “How much did they cost?” “Are they real siblings?” “Is their family dead?” “What’d they die of, AIDS?” “Couldn’t you have your own children?”..
On the other side of the coin are the generally very well-meaning people who say, “God bless you for saving those children,” or, “They’ll have such a better life now.”
We merely wanted a family, we didn’t adopt to “save” anyone, and I can’t say that they will have a better life. Yes, there are things that we can provide that their family couldn’t. But they also lost their family, their country, their language and their culture. Their life will be different, but I can’t say that it will be better, and I don’t ever want to dismiss what they have lost.
So, I take it as read that we can all agree that the commentors are clods.
Now, on to a lesser point: if this woman, in her sackcloth-and-ashes, garment-rending display of political correctness, isn’t sure that being raised by her and her husband in a loving family in a middle class environment in the best country on Earth is better than languishing in an orphanage in some third world hell hole … then why did she take the kids?
I’m quite serious.
If “here” is not better than “there”, then did she pull those kids out of their own country, language, and culture and do damage to them merely so that she could have a family? They could have been entirely “authentic” living in an orphanage in Africa!
The answer is, of course not. She knows that “here” is much better than “there” – she just doesn’t want to say it out loud.
Such are the mental hazards of leftism: in order to avoid saying something entirely reasonable (“a middle class home in the US is better than an orphanage in Africa”) people end up saying things that are abominable (“a middle class home in the US is no better than an orphanage in Africa, and maybe more kids should be in African orphanages”).
January 28th, 2009 at 11:52 am
What, and you think doublespeak is new? This is merely another amusing aspect of the human condition.
The real folly would be to expect a society where there is no hypocrisy, no doublespeak, no doublethink, no liars, no sin or sinners.
If we didn’t have this to fight, in ourselves too, what would we do all day?
January 28th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
[quote comment="179955"]
If we didn’t have this to fight, in ourselves too, what would we do all day?[/quote]
For a start, take a look in here:-)
http://smartflix.com/
Being able to make something makes you into a better person; it also keeps you out of other people’s hair (you’ve got better things to do with your time than nitpick another person’s actions).
January 28th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
[quote comment="179978"]Being able to make something makes you into a better person; it also keeps you out of other people’s hair (you’ve got better things to do with your time than nitpick another person’s actions).[/quote]
Making something keeps you out of other people’s hair.
Being able to make something makes you eminently qualified to waste your time nitpicking other people’s actions. Because, you know, they’re not making it right. Like you would. The idiots.
January 28th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
[quote comment="179986"]
Being able to make something makes you eminently qualified to waste your time nitpicking other people’s actions. Because, you know, they’re not making it right. Like you would. The idiots.[/quote]
Hah! You are SO right, Eddie. I’ve seen that happen more times than a person should have to in one lifetime.
I remember seeing the guys from a certain model railroad club come into my store and measure model car kits with calipers; “this gondola is no good – it’s six scale inches too narrow inside”: “that series had 1/3/4 Dreadnaught ends, not 4/4″: “there are only four rivets on the side sill at the bolster: it should have six”. None of the kits were good enough to be placed on the club layout without major rebuilding.
They had no money or time available to produce “correct” kits themselves, of course…
January 28th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
The “oh your kids are so lucky” and “you are such a hero for adopting them” comments grate on me as well. Like most modern adoptive parents, I consider that I am the lucky one. No doubt that they are materially better off with me than they would be in orphanages in their birth cultures, but that doesn’t mean I think of myself as a savior, or worthy of great praise. Moreover, adopting any sort of perceptible attitude that “you kids ought to be grateful to me for being adopted” is a good way to raise some fucked-up kids who resent you.
January 28th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
[quote comment="180000"]The “oh your kids are so lucky” and “you are such a hero for adopting them” comments grate on me as well. [/quote]
Reasonably so. I was trying to address that with my statement “So, I take it as read that we can all agree that the commentors are clods. ”
I don’t have a problem with the parent getting annoyed at that.
I only have a problem with her bending over backwards to refuse to admit that things are better for her kids post adoption.
Not to equate kids with dogs, but I 95% got dogs because I wanted dogs. I don’t call myself a hero for taking them out of the pounds. But I’m also quite clear that eating beef and greenies and sleeping on a bed beats the alternative.
January 29th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
I kind of see what you’re saying, but I think the mother is trying to acknowledge some realities as well-
We adopted domestically- and while it is true that objectively our kids are better off with us, emotionally, financially, academically, hygiene wise, and other kinds of wise than where they were, it’s also true that they experienced grief and loss – kids know only what they know, and they love and feel deeply attached to what they were born with, even if it’s the dregs. Even though it’s now been years and they are very, very happy with us- there is still something of a wound there from the disruption.
We also have three large shelter dogs. The dogs do not miss the shelter.
Kids do have a sense of loss, even when they love where they are better than where they were.
January 29th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
This
[quote comment="180137"]… they experienced grief and loss – kids know only what they know, and they love and feel deeply attached to what they were born with, even if it’s the dregs.[/quote]
is an excellent comment. Well put.